the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
