her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
