About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
