the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
