Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
