why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
