Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
