Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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