Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
