Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
