really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
