she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
