When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
