hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
