My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
