He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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