So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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