I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
