its not stalking. its research.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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