my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
whose ass print is on the piano?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen