Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating