when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.