Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.

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  (207): I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole. http://tfl.nu/al7a
  Replies (16) Good night (811) Bad night (4011)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.

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  (402): her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed. http://tfl.nu/jsdy
  Replies (13) Good night (1945) Bad night (3621)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?

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  (610): you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us? http://tfl.nu/gp4k
  Replies (5) Good night (4057) Bad night (1063)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.

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  (519): This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun. http://tfl.nu/wpnv
  Replies (3) Good night (2251) Bad night (919)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.

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  (269): We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all. http://tfl.nu/epk0
  Replies (4) Good night (1797) Bad night (780)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like

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  (617): My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like http://tfl.nu/dpsj
  Replies (4) Good night (670) Bad night (1807)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.

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  (905): you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed. http://tfl.nu/nsl5
  Replies (14) Good night (3761) Bad night (634)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.

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  (985): Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece. http://tfl.nu/t3ih
  Replies (6) Good night (1111) Bad night (686)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.

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  (850): Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees. http://tfl.nu/qlcd
  Replies (2) Good night (1284) Bad night (441)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.

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  (602): Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side. http://tfl.nu/uoi7
  Replies (2) Good night (865) Bad night (698)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.

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  (484): She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months. http://tfl.nu/6km6
  Replies (9) Good night (1942) Bad night (864)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.

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  (727): It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside. http://tfl.nu/ic5n
  Replies (5) Good night (573) Bad night (309)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"

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  (406): Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!" http://tfl.nu/tsa9
  Replies (4) Good night (584) Bad night (181)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.

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  (814): I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's. http://tfl.nu/kzl8
  Replies (4) Good night (539) Bad night (267)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!

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  (330): Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess! http://tfl.nu/oyok
  Replies (1) Good night (845) Bad night (217)

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