my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.