don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize