I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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