sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
