After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
