But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
