The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
