dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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