my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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