Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
