he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
