last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
