You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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