her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
