Swine flu. Run for my life!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
