My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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