Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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