Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
