Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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