It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
