It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
