ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
