I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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