Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize