wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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