I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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