I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
