why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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