We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
God, I missed his penis.
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