we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
