Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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