I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
