I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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