I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
