youre lurking in front of me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
