Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I want is dick and wine.
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