Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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