Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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