I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
