You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
