he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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