there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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